Flashback to January 1st, 2018. 10 days ago. I woke up to a brand spankin' new year, excited about all of the possibilities, and ready to commit to all of my resolutions that I'd written in my journal the week prior. Except I woke up in an utterly foul mood. Seriously, I was just angry. And that is a freaking first for me, at least since I can remember. January 1st is normally the most magical day. No work. No school. Just a chance to be the person I want to be, even if only for a day, even if I'm lying to myself!
"Well, f*&%", I thought to myself, and then made a quick mental note to add "less swearing" to my list of resolutions. I tried to salvage the day, but couldn't shake the mood, which had evolved to a feeling of complete dread. We ended up going for a walk, making food, listening to the Moana soundtrack 45 times, and watching a movie, I think. I can't even remember.
To be completely honest, I still haven't completely gotten into my groove, but I'm choosing to look at this year from a realistic lens. It's going to be a fun, challenging, busy, frustrating year. We will be building our house (we submitted our permits 3.5 months ago and STILL haven't been approved even though we're literally building the world's simplest home). I have a big role to play in taking a product to market, in a foreign country no less. Keira will undergo tremendous changes, and if the last 3 months are any indication of what we're in for, God help me, please. All of these things, along with all of the other things that I've neglected to share here, are immensely good but will undoubtedly have challenging and frustrating elements associated with them. And because I don't like to cut myself slack ever, I have set a goal - seriously, I mean it - to significantly improve as a human being this year.
So in the interest of transparency and accountability, here's the plan for 2018, AKA the year I get my act together, AKA the year I start to love myself, AKA the year I significantly improve as a human being...
(In no particular order)
1) Obviously, get in better shape than ever before. Workout every single day. Rest days mean stretch, abs, squats, a walk... something. Nutrition has to be a part of this as well as much as I hate limiting myself when it comes to food. Make good choices. Give myself a real shot at feeling good in my skin. By the way, I'm currently doing a Nike Training Club program - search me and let's be Nike friends!
2) Find a creative hobby. Let's start with blogging. I miss writing and getting the stuff that's in my head out into space, no matter if anybody is reading.
3) Get better about separating work from life. Do not take home work issues. Do not take work issues personally. I've even given myself a rule to literally change my clothes as soon as I get home to symbolize "letting it go". But also, at the same time, kick butt at work and do my part and then some.
4) Prioritize self, rather than the "whatever, it doesn't matter" attitude. Spend the extra 2 minutes before bed to take care of myself. Make the bed in the morning because it makes me happy to come home at night to a made bed. Wear clothes that make me feel good. Don't compare. Aspiring is ok. Comparing is not.
5) Be PRESENT. Put phone and screens away. But also, make sure I'm mentally present. Turn on music at night to dance with Keira to let go of the day's residues.
6) Teach Keira things by being an example to follow.
7) Drink less. Better yet, rarely drink.
8) Be more forward with my love for Damir. Tell him daily. Don't keep that stuff internal. He deserves to know how completely amazing he is.
9) Read books - 1/month. A lofty goal for a non-reader like myself. But one that I want to set. No harm in not reaching that goal as long as I'm trying and enjoying it! Currently reading Sapiens and loving it.
10) And finally, but probably most importantly: pull myself out of the day-to-day grind and always look for the bigger picture. Trust the process. Enjoy the precious passing time. Remember that we won't be here all together forever. Ask myself daily, "did you love enough?". If the answer is "no", do better tomorrow. Find God.
Oh and less swearing.
Happy 2018! Hope you all are in a better mood than I have been. ;)