Kenza Personal

Visiting home: a series of narcissistic snapchats

I probably take too many selfies and snapchat too many things but I love this app and I have no shame. I really think it's so cool how much snapchat has changed in the last few months and how useful of an app it actually is. That being said, it eats up the data on my phone and I apologize to both my battery life and my parents for the inconvenience. 

Spending time at home is awesome and when I don't have time (or want to) to bring out the real camera, this is an great alternative. Here's what my first few days looked like in the form of snapchats. 

Expiration Dates

By Kenza

It should be noted that in some ways expiration dates are arbitrary and somewhat ignorable. These are not the expiration dates I'm talking about, I'm not talking about the ones in your fridge that force you to eat the yogurt a little quicker than you'd like -although to be fair I usually just end up throwing it away- I'm talking about the expiration dates with people. 

I understand that it's probably a two way street, but it's my blog so I'm going to talk about my own street. 

I've moved around a lot in my life and cycling through people has kind of just been a thing that happens with those circumstances. I will say that it's not all bad, you don't really have to put in much effort with people if you aren't going to see them for much longer. HOWEVER the flip side of that is you really won't see them for much longer, but I've gotten pretty used to it. But, with the amount of people I have cycled through, whether it's friends, acquaintances or boys I have noted that they kind of add up and take a toll on you. 

The part where you don't have to put in a lot of effort or care too much is great, I am really good at not caring about people sometimes but this isn't always a good thing. When it comes to people that really do count, sometimes I'm clumsy and don't know how to actually care. 

The part where people leave is the kicker. I have had a lot of people leave and in the beginning I didn't notice, after a while it bugged me, much later it pissed me off, and now it's ironically humorous (but like the kind of ironic humor where you laugh while you're crying because of how ridiculous you must look). Losing people is never easy and I am pretty much the master of handling this situation wrong but I have found that there are ways to help ease the transition. I have learned to just enjoy people for who they are and let them go when the time comes, but there are a certain few that have dug their nails into me. 

David Foster Wallace said "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it" and I don't think there's a better way to explain who I am than that sentence. I could care less about people that take too much from me, the people who talk more about themselves than they even know, and the people that blame everyone else for their problems. Those people I can let go of because I never really attached myself to them, but certain people in this world that make me grow as a person and help me to question everything -especially myself- are the ones that I kill myself letting go of. I honestly don't know how to get through letting go of these people, if you have any tips let me know. 

I think it's okay and even good to cycle through people in your life and enjoy them for what they bring to the table, but it seems to me that people have expiration dates in friendships and relationships. The ones you can see coming from a mile away and either can't or don't want to stop it. I noticed that even if you think someone is going to be around for the rest of your life that the truth of the matter is that the expiration date is still looming and it doesn't care how much you love the person or what you would do to keep it from coming. 

Much like the laws of science, the expiration dates invisibly written on people do not care whether you believe in them or not, they exist despite your feelings and what you want.

Cavities

By Kenza

A long time before i saw 

the appeal that your eyes draw

my heart and soul were full and strong

until on one calm break of dawn 

i noticed a small hole in one

and with the rising of the sun 

more and more began to show

and when it came time for the snow

i was hollow and incomplete

from my head and to my feet

eroded by your words and war 

cavities were in my core